Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Alane's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, April 29th, 2012
10:01 pm	Randomness 1. I can vote (and was invited to do so and reminded multiple times) for Junior class officers for the Class of 2014. I haven't been a member of that class for more than a year and a half now. 2. Today I counted and realized I have babysat 102 children. This does not count babies or children I have cared for in the nursery, Journey childcare, Awana Cubbies, Sunday School, autistic kids program, etc. 3. Coffee Bean is my safe place. This always gets kind of tricky and awkward when finals roll around and my (former) classmates are all there cramming and I am there wasting time/doing nothing but trying to look like I'm studying just in case those particular classmates might be some of the (very) few that don't know or haven't realized I'm no longer one of them. 4. I saw Dan Sufficool (our freshman class president) at Coffee Bean tonight, and it made me really sad. I realized on my drive home that the last time I'd seen him was during the anatomy review that he'd given that I cried through, after I'd skipped the auscultation exam and before I spent over an hour crying with Margaret and then proceeded to officially drop out of school. Yep, that was a pretty crappy day. Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 28th, 2012
10:15 pm	Quotables 9 A commercial for The Avenger comes on. Marg: "I wonder where he gets those pants..." Everyone else: {Laughing hysterically} Marg: "Well because they don't rip!" After Capri finishes brushing my hair she excitedly says, "Okay, now do me! Do me!" Me: "Okay Capri come pick up these crayons." Capri: "No you have to pick them up because you're in charge." I was joining Anja for a craft night with her friends from MOPS... Anja: And we're having a Bachlorette Party on May 14 if you want to join us for that too Me: But I don't know the bachlorette Anja: Oh none of us do! Me [thoroughly confused]: What??? Anja: Oh it's for the TV show...you thought it was a real bachlorette party? Me: Yes...and I couldn't figure out why you were having a party for someone that none of you know! Lexi: "Junior, you don't want to end up being fat like Mommy." Junior: "Yes I do!" Lexi: "No you don't." Junior: "Yes I do. Yes I do want to be fat!" And just like that, in the matter of a month, my quotes have gone from being fully med school to fully kid. (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 14th, 2012
4:13 pm	Things I miss Running into Jason Hickey at Starbucks Anatomy lab with Steven, Vonetta, Margaret, Jutzy, Joy, Sang, and Danny Working in the nursery with Carrie Babysitting Isabella and Madeline Study groups Being Ella Grace and Liliana's nanny and getting to spend every day with them Having Josiah in the nursery at church Playing the piano Being young(er) Fox Coffee My Compassion child Dhanya Working with autistic kids Current Mood: nostalgic (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 5th, 2012
7:50 pm	Quotables 8 Me: "Well, Dr. Werner said he didn't like to ask tricky questions..." Olesya: "That's because he doesn't like them, he LOVES them!" "Alane you're so bad at geography how are you even still alive?" - Anna Me: "And last night Margaret was putting ice down everyone's shirts!" Margaret: "Not everyone. I put it down some people's pants!" Me: "So basically you want me to lay on my back in the mud next to those flowers?" [After Marg describes one of her amazing photo opps]. Margaret: "Oh no. You just have to lay on your side in the mud." "Oh, Margaret is just being her usual charming self!" - Olesya Dr. Greenwood: "So when was your birthday Canty?" Canty: "Last year" Christoff: "Oh really? My birthday was last year too!" James: "Gosh that's garbage!" Hiroshi: "Thank you. I spent two hours looking for that article." (Comment on this)
Thursday, February 2nd, 2012
7:29 pm	Quotables 7 During neuroscience case studies: "The patient is only able to grunt when asked questions." Dr. Kirby: "Sounds like my wife!" "My life (in certain areas) is like a long series of tragic events and worst case scenarios..." - Ellen In chapel, they announce that there will be a women's retreat. Me: "Women's retreat?" Ben: "I am the women's retreat!!!" In chapel, talking about the Titanic: "They didn't name it the good ship weenie..." - Terry Swenson At Dr. Teel's physio review: Student: "Who wrote the exam questions?" Dr. Teel: "Well...I wrote some of them..." Class: "WHAT???" Dr. Teel: "Well, you know, with the integrated exams they have all the different subjects and everything, but I wrote the physio questions..." Class: "Ohhh...Phew!" "Margaret, there was absolutely no information in that sentence!" - Ellen Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 28th, 2012
8:34 pm	I didn't sign up for any of this I didn't ask to be born anxious. To struggle simply to interact with people throughout my entire life. I never asked to fail medical school multiple times. And I certainly never wanted to become super good friends with lots of people in my med school class if I'm going to have to stop again (repeat of class of 2009? No thank you). Chronic sleep problems. Can't I get anything right? We've always taken wonderful care of our pets. And yet Peter has a brain tumor and is dying. This world sucks. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 24th, 2012
8:01 pm	So alone I needed someone, desperately needed someone, anyone, just to be with me tonight. I got Mama's text as I was leaving PDX lab, and I knew then: there was nothing that could really be done for Peter. And there isn't. His brain tumor is too intertwined. It may not even be the primary cancer. I stumbled to my car and sat there in Lot X sobbing for I don't even know how long...15 minutes? Half an hour? I finally drove home, my vision clouded by tears. He has weeks. Maybe months at the very most. Maybe. The steroids haven't really helped much. I really needed to study tonight. I really needed someone to just be with me so I could make myself study and not sit and cry all evening. But no one really seems to understand just how hard this is. All I really want to do is go home and be with Pete-Boy. Oh how I want to be with Pete-Boy. More than anything right now. Current Mood: crushed (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 21st, 2012
4:08 pm	Quotables 6 Aaron: I heard that cat in our yard again last night Daddy: It was probably just a rat Aaron: Umm, not unless it was wearing a bell While playing Phase 10 with my family, everyone begins arranging their dealt hands of cards: Daddy: Now it's going to take me awhile to get ready Anna: Do you need some extra time to arrange your cards, Daddy? Because I have a skip, so I could skip you... "Ben, I think common sense applies even when drinking power smoothies." - Ellen "Feel this. This is the blanket of awesomeness and wonder." - Alyssa "Those people that are single are single for a reason..." - Dr. Schaepper While doing a partnered exercise with Danielle and Wilbert in Behavior Science class: Dr. Schaepper: "If you are looking at someone of the opposite sex, what thoughts come up?" Wilbert: "Sooo, what are you girls thinking???" (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 17th, 2012
9:22 pm	Please don't be mean to me when I'm in med school I can take a lot. I can even take a lot when I'm in med school. And I pretend to be able to take more than I'm really okay with. But really, I am already hypersensitive to everything when I'm in medical school. And when I've told you multiple times that something specific bothers me and you insist on bringing it up on a regular basis, that is just mean. Especially when I go out of my way to be sensitive to things that I know would hurt you. I will now commence sitting on the right side of the amphitheatre for classes. Current Mood: hurt (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 27th, 2011
12:52 am	Options "You do have options, different ones than you were looking for, good ones..." This was my last chance. I don't think I have any good options. I don't want to do anything else. I don't want to need other options. I don't have any real options. Well, not any that I've ever allowed myself to think about or entertain. If there are no other options than this has to work, right? "...Hopefully, you won't need any of them." Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)
Friday, December 23rd, 2011
3:55 pm	Quotables 5 "Just remember, a year ago you were happy." - Dr. Wall "You have to take it with ten grains of salt." - Vonetta "Okay, let me not lie to you." - Vonetta "This is so cozy! It's like you have a tiny little Christmas party in your car!" - Ellen Heading into the anatomy lab, I stop to get gloves out of the locker Margaret and I share. Me: "This locker is starting to get out of control!" Ellen: "Starting???" "I like to be interrupted. Any excuse not to work." - Dr. Wilcox "Ellen is like the work horse in your relationship" - Anthony "If you have a great guy he can make you do anything." - Liz [This was actually in reference to swing dancing] Previewing the abdominal exam notes for PDX on our drive home for Christmas: Ellen: "PMH? What? Oh, pre-menstrual history..." Me: "You mean Past Medical History?" Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 7th, 2011
9:37 am	Dr. Lewis Quotes This is jolly good reading (our immunology text) When I sat in your perches... Hearken carefully! The answer is nay, nay We're going to spend a jiffy of time I'm getting spastic here Bugs outnumber us 10 to 1...we are blessedly endowed with the enemy constantly perturbating us That toad just doesn't understand You'll hearken back to this My dog, Cooper...he's a yellow laboratory Now the horrible news is... This clown here with a rinky dink outboard motor And so we must roar on... Vegetaria Is everything copesthetic? I lead you gingerly down the garden path So later on when you have quadruplets, wouldn't it be nice to name them Dolor, Rubor, Calor, and Tumor? 'Tis true Joy to the world - I too will make cytokines! This is a tad sticky wicked We must rush on (Comment on this)
Monday, December 5th, 2011
9:42 am	Quotables 4 [Talking about the cremasteric reflex] "Now let me tell you: this can only be tested in males." - Dr. Escobar In the anatomy lab: "It looks different...than I expected it would." - Margaret "I don't know exactly how this works...I think there's a little voodoo in there." - Dr. Wright While erasing the white board: "Let's delete this" - Steven [Talking about B-cell generation] "...So most of the time what you do is a failure..." (Dr. Duerksen-Hughes) "Just like life" - Alicia "Well your family will come down for graduation...if you graduate" - Margaret "Okay pretend it's correct." - Vonetta In the anatomy lab with Vonetta, Margaret, and I. "Okay ladies and gentlemen...er, ladies and ladies..." - Dr. Nava (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, November 17th, 2011
8:58 pm	Quotables 3 "I'm not a patient person." - Dr. Werner "Alane, how do you know less about America than a South African?" - James "Could the patient have three heads? Yes. Do they? Probably not..." - Dr. Werner "Will broke his haircut when he took a bath." - Grace "When guys do sports...what do you call them? Boards?...Skate boards, exactly." - Dr. Escobar "Let's put our first arches together and stimulate our lingual nerves." - Steven Shadix Current Mood: amused (Comment on this)
Monday, November 14th, 2011
12:31 pm	Wow So the other week a friend from childhood posted the following as her facebook status: "i lost my boy last night he got hit by a car,I can not stop crying i cant eat i don't know what to do,i'm just so sick" Now, I have not seen this friend in probably 10+ years, she has two sons, the oldest of which has been in trouble with the law, etc. etc., so when I saw this post I honestly thought one of her CHILDREN had been hit by a car and killed. I, of course, was simply horrified and expressed my deepest sympathies. Also, her father died from cancer about one year ago so I was just feeling terrible for her entire family. I was utterly shocked when, a week later, she posted the following on my wall: "thank you so much i have been so lost and sick over my dog i guess you dont know how much they are part of or life ,till you lose them .RIP MY SWEET BOY,I DID GET A PUPPY OUT OF THE LITTER ,THANK YOU GOD....." It was her DOG!!! Now, my pets are practically like family members to me, but still...you should make it clear what you're talking about when you say something like that!!! Current Mood: shocked (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 30th, 2011
10:49 am	A very close call So this morning I got up at 5:30am and went to the anatomy lab to study with Ellen for a couple hours. It was really early and I was really tired. So on my way home (at about 8:40am) I was driving down Hunts Lane toward Washington, and I guess I was going pretty fast (I don't actually know what the speed limit on that street is...I'm guessing maybe 30 or 35mph, 40 at most). So I made a right turn on red, and the next thing I know a motorcycle cop is pulling me over... Cop: Do you know why I stopped you? Me [seriously almost half asleep]: No, I have no idea. Cop: Well, for starters you were FLYING down Hunts...I clocked you at 60mph, and I just got this thing (his radar gun) calibrated 6 months ago so I know it's accurate. Did you know you were going that fast? Me: No Cop: Where are you in such a hurry to get to? Me: Nowhere...I'm on my way home. Cop: Why were you going so fast? Me: I don't know, I guess I just wasn't paying attention. Cop: And the other thing is that you kind of slowed down at the red light, but you didn't stop all the way and just rolled through, which counts as running a red light. And you stopped in the crosswalk rather than behind the white line. Me: I'm sorry Cop: So I've got you on speeding and running a red light. What's the deal? Me: I don't know. I'm really tired, I got up really early this morning. I just wanted to get home. Cop: Where is home? Me: One more block Cop: Well when you stop in a crosswalk you can hit pedestrians. So be careful, ok? [as he turns to walk back to his bike] Me: Wait...are you just letting me go? Cop: Yes...unless you want a ticket. Drive carefully. Me: Oh, thank you so much. You just totally made my day! And with that I drove home. I guess going to the anatomy lab that early in the morning on less than 5 hours of sleep isn't such a good idea! Current Mood: grateful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 26th, 2011
12:36 pm	More Quotables "Where is type 2 cartilage found?" - Alicia "And then we have the pharyngeal canal...Now that's like asking what color is a red nose. What does it communicate with? The pharyngeal region." - Dr. Nava "My instructor was so confusing, I left dumber than I came I think." - Steven "And now we have a special dissection of Dr. Luo." - Dr. Escobar "Text translation free of charge if needed." - Margaret "Alane, do you want to go to the 4th Annual Laryngectomy Conference with me???" - Ellen (Comment on this)
Wednesday, October 12th, 2011
4:28 pm	I can't do this That is how I honestly feel about med school (primarily, and everything else) right now. I passed everything the first set of exams, but I feel like things have just gone way downhill since then. The material is much harder, it is not nearly as fresh in my mind from last year as the summer quarter's was, Anna isn't here anymore, I am so, so tired, and I am way behind on everything. And I feel like I desperately need help but I have nowhere to turn. I have this sense of impending disaster, with no way to stop it. On my way home today I just cried, there was really nothing else to do, not that it really made or makes anything any better. I almost feel like I am right back in the middle of last fall, nothing is really any different, and I have no idea what happened. Everything was going so well... Current Mood: sad (Comment on this)
Monday, September 19th, 2011
5:14 pm	So much more than that for me... For (just about) everyone else in my class, I feel like this is just our first week of exams. Of course everyone is hoping they'll do well, many people have high aspirations of getting honors and becoming surgeons and other specialists. But for me...I just want to pass. I would be perfectly happy to get 68% (or whatever passing is) on every single one of my exams. I also feel like this is so much more for me because everyone else gets another chance (unless this already is their second chance). For me this is it. This is way beyond my second chance. And I only have until Christmas. And as much as I'm being positive on the outside, for everyone else, and for myself too, and doing my best not to worry or let myself be anxious and to just trust God with everything, deep down inside I still really really do want to pass. I'm not sure it's for all the right reasons, but I desperately want to finish med school, way more than I did when I started just one month ago. Current Mood: hopeful (Comment on this)
11:32 am	External Carotid Branches From Steven - "Some Attendings Like Freaking Out Potential Medical Students." Superior Thyroid Ascending Pharyngeal Lingual Facial Occipital Posterior Auricular Maxillary Superficial Temporal (Comment on this)